Letting Go of Church Attendance Guilt

Sierra (8... just days before her 9th birthday)

Letting go of guilt has been something that I have had to do since having a larger than average family.  This especially applies to church.  Of all the things we should not be beating ourselves up about it is keeping tally of how many services we attend at church.  God knows our heart! 

I love to attend church.  I desire to be there.  I treasure my time their amongst other believers worshiping God.  But sometimes we make church complicated.  The Bible says to "remember the Sabbath".  That is God's Word and that is good enough for me.  I want to be clear... this is not a post about how you should not feel guilty about not attending church.  It is about not feeling guilty if you can not attend every church event that goes on. 

I really had to come to terms with this when I was pregnant with my third child and my husband was working by day and attending his college Masters program by night.  We used to attend church Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and special events when we could.  Sadly, we even kind of thought we were extra special because we made it back to church on Sunday nights to fill our pew.  I actually remember feeling a kind of pride that we attend Sunday nights when most people did not.  Being prideful is not a good quality.  

As our family has grown and there have been more children with more illness or more things that need to be attended to on the weekends I have had to let go of the guilt.  My main goal is to "remember the Sabbath" by attending Sunday School and Worship Service on Sundays.  We no longer attend Sunday nights because we simply run out of energy trying to make it all happen.  We take our children to Wednesday night services for children's choir and classes.  We sometimes attend special Bible studies on those nights, also.  But this is what our Sundays look like now:

• By 9:40 am:  Arise, dress for church, eat breakfast and out the door
•  9:45 am - 12:30 pm:  Sunday School and Worship Service
• 12:30 pm - on:  Home for lunch and time with the family
• 5:00 - 6:00 pm:  My husband goes back to the church to lead a Youth Drama class
• 6:00 pm: Dinner
• 6:00 -8:30:  Family time, bathes, and bedtimes for the kids

Now, this is what our days would look like if we went to Sunday night servie:

• By 9:40 am:  Arise, dress for church, eat breakfast and out the door
•  9:45 am - 12:30 pm:  Sunday School and Worship Service
• 12:30 pm - on:  Home for lunch and time with the family
• 5:00 - 6:00 pm:  My husband goes back to the church to lead a Youth Drama class
• 6:00 - 730 pm:  Evening church
• 7:30 - 8:00 pm: Quick Dinner (and I don't know when I would cook it.  I guess that would be during our afternoon family time)
• 8:00 -8:30:  Family time, bathes, and bedtimes for the kids

 I know that could be done... but I don't want to do all that.  That is a recipe for stress and discord.  We would be just "attending" church because we feel we "should" and I am pretty sure we would lose our joy for it.  I am just being honest.  And again I will say that the Bible says to "remember the Sabbath".  Does that mean we spend 2 hours at church?  5 hours?  What if we just stayed there the whole day?  Would we be "remembering the Sabbath" day more effectively.  I don't think so.  With our current Sunday schedule we are there about 2 hours and 45 minutes.  There was a time that I would have felt guilty, but I just don't anymore. 

And there are different seasons of life.  Right now I am even co-teaching 7-8th grade girls Sunday School for this year.  Cody is doing the Youth Drama.  Sometimes we help out in different children's classes or wherever we are needed.  We have hosted Bible Study in our home.  We go to Youth events and other special activities.  We have less home commitment in some areas this year and have opted out of some other activities allowing us to do this.  Last year we did not have as many church commitments.  This is an ever-changing thing.  We do what we can, when we can.  And I am content with that.

So, that is a little peek into how our "little" family does church attendance.... guilt free.  And I will say that my guilt has been being testing this year.  There are more events that I am being asked to attend or being somewhat pressured to attend.  Maybe I should feel guilty, but... I just don't.  You see I don't answer to the people around me (even though I certainly would not want to be a "stumbling block").  I answer to God.  

So, I wonder... have you let go of church attendance guilt?  

 

A Real Mother's Day (Belated)

I love Mother's Day.  Not because it is a day to feel special about myself.  I love it because for me it is a time to reflect on me being a mother.  And yes, I love reflecting about all my kids' births and various milestones over the years, but that is not what I am talking about here.  I think it is an important time to reflect on what you are doing right or wrong as a mother.  I know I take it for granted so often that my kids are perfect.... perfect just the way they are.  And no, I do not mean they are really "perfect" as in they do no wrong, etc..  I mean that they are perfect even in what we think is sometimes a weakness.  God can use what we view as our child's weakness even when we don't think it is possible.  Oh how I want to TRULY get this concept.  I know it... but I don't always live it.  So often we get hung up on some little things our children do unsatisfactory that we forget that God can use even those things.

• My oldest daughter is slow as molasses on a cold Winter's day.  I mean she never gets in a hurry to do anything.  She dawdles along and makes a 10 minute animal feeding session take an hour.  She stops repeatedly during her school time to chatter instead of staying focused and just whizzing through it.  But God does not see that as a weakness.  She is so laid back and carefree.  There is a blessing in that.  And she does not get stressed about time frames like many of us do. 
• My second daughter is a little momma, but not always in a good way.  Sometimes she jumps in front of me to try to tell her siblings what to do.  She can sometimes overwhelm the baby by insisting on helping when sometimes the baby just wants to figure things out on her own.  There is a blessing in it, though.  She is go-getter.  I joke that she is going to rule the country one day.  She has always been the one that knows where things are that we all have lost.  ;) 
• My son... well, he is just loud and all boy!  Sometimes I have a hard time with it.  I want quiet.  I want him to sit still.  But he is a thinker.  I see rambuctious and God may see determination, hardworking, full of energy, capable. 
• Sahara... well, this one is our full time fussy child and she knows only one volume... loud!  And she is this tiny little shy thing that no one would ever suspect it from... until she is away from a crowd.  We may not see the blessing in her behaviour all the time, but I know God does and in due time we will see it, as well.
• Sienna is too young, but she has started fussing at us when she does not get what she wants.  I can already see she will be very determined.  God can use that in ways that we may not understand right now.

You see... it is not about us!  We may see imperfections... or weaknesses.  God sees POWER!!

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
II Corinthians 12:9

And I want to encourage you to truly to take your role as a mother seriously.  Our most important task is to give them God.  Give them church.  Give them scripture.  Fill their heads with these things rather than things of this world. 

So, what did I want for Mother's Day?  Not to get a thing!... But rather to give to them.  I have always wanted Mother's Day to be about being a mother.  I hear so many mothers that want to get a Spa Day to herself for Mother's Day (and I am not saying that is wrong), but it makes me sad.  If I wanted a Spa Day (which I don't) I would want to share that with my child.  That's just me.... I want to be WITH my kids on Mother's Day.  I want to be a MOTHER on MOTHER'S Day!!!  I want them sitting beside me on the pew in church!  I want to have lunch with them and do something to make them happy.  I want to make them pancakes or something else special.  I want to give them the GIFT of being mothered. 

Actually, I am going to go on to say that we did part of Mother's Day early.  The kids had no idea what we were doing and were asking a million questions about where we were going.  Finally, I had to tell them that we were taking them to get me a Mother's Day gift.  I thought that would hush them for awhile, but they continued trying to guess where we where going.  I did not tell them until we walk in the establishment what we were up to.  We took them to paint pottery.  They were ecstatic!  I told them I wanted them to paint a large platter for me.  I also told them that each of them could make their very own special plate (and I painted Sienna's).  While we were doing this we had them paint a platter for each of the grandmothers.  You see... for me it is about doing something with them.  I want to be their mother... and one that makes memories with them.  And on the actual day of Mother's Day all I truly want is to sit beside them on the pew in church and know that I am doing the MOST IMPORTANT part of mothering.  I want to give them God!  I want them to look back one day and say that I always made sure that they were in church on Mother's Day because it is my belief that God gave them to me and in my own way I want to be there "giving them back TO God" every Mother's Day that I am alive.  

I Like My Blog Again !

A while back I made some changes to my blog design and I have not like it since then!  Blah!  It was messed up for awhile and I just did not want to commit the time needed to fix it.  I decided to just change it and let it be plain even though I did not really like that change much either... but it was better than it being messed up.  Finally, I have a picture I am happy with and I like my blog again!  The faces of my children are just what it needed.  This picture was taken Easter morning before we headed off to church.  It was a special day for our family not only because of Easter, but because it was the first time our whole family has attended church since Sienna's birth. 

A Full Week

We are going to do a full week OF SCHOOL this week!  I don't think we have done that in a while.  We have had some crazy weeks and some stressful days for Momma to work through.  Sometimes it was the things weighing heavily on my mind that kept us from doing a full week of school, but mostly it has been things on our schedule.  Sometimes you just have to roll with it.  If it is going to make life crazy, then it is better to not be crazy.  Last week we had a week that went something like this:

Monday was free.
Tuesday the older two girls had an invitation to go to a play with our neighbor at their homeschool co-op.
     That night would be 2+ hours of practice for our church musical.
Wednesday was free during the day, but church at 5:45 - about 8:30 with more practice for the church musical.
Thursday my husband took off work to spend the day with us and go to Seussical The Musical.
Friday was our Homeschool Co-op day.

From the beginning I knew we would only have Monday and Wednesday to do schooling, so two days does not make much for a week.  I decided we would do some review work rather than try to tackle a week of work in two days.  In reality my stress level was reaching all time highs about needing a caregiver, so we did one day of schooling in the end. 

This week there is nothing on the schedule at all... even Wednesday night church services have been cancelled for the next two weeks.  We will do a full week of school for both girls and then, my husband will be off for his public school Christmas break until January 3rd and so will we.  So, it is going to be a "full week"..... happily, it should be an easier week for us, though.... since we don't have a crazy schedule.

Okay, so you might want to see a pic from our church musical....

Sierra is the one in the really large burgundy costume front row.

Savannah is all the way to the right.

Cody is the tallest one on the right side (He played the role of Cascius, the tax collector and had a lot of lines and some singing parts... He was nervous, but never missed a beat!)

The whole cast was awesome and put in a lot of hours of work on their parts and the real live Baby Jesus just made it so beautiful!  Our church is a huge blessing in our lives!

Digging In Deep This Weekend

My last couple of posts have been about possibly switching curriculum for our homeschool. The first week I jumped in to our current stuff and had a good couple of days. Then, I suddenly got the feeling that I am still just not doing it right. So, as bad as I hate to admit it I started stressing about it and not enjoying it. That makes it miserable for everyone involved and that is so not what it should be like. Last weekend I was having a meltdown and feeling way beyond overwhelmed with it all.... and defeated. God showed me so clearly last Sunday that I really have it all. I have to realize that. I had already decided to calm down and go with the flow Sunday morning even though we were running later than late for church. God put me late for His purposes. You see I live just two blocks from the main funeral home in our town. Last Sunday morning the cars were lined down the roads as far as you could see and I knew in an instant that something terrible had happened and that something terrible probably involved the death of someone young. I walked into my Sunday School class late, but just is time for God to show me that almost everyone in that room was having "one of those weeks", too. The ladies in that class also confirmed my suspicions that the funeral gathering was that of a teen.... two teens, in fact with another lying in the ICU. Teen death hits me very hard.... as a teen I had the experience of seeing several young classmates die in senseless accidents. Two of my teenage cousins died in one year and even a few years back one of my younger teen cousins died. There's nothing quite like remembering helping prepare your deceased sixteen year old cousin's body for viewing to help you put your current life issues into perspective. Everything in the Sunday School lesson hit right on what I needed to hear and it was clear to me that God had put me there to hear it. As I walked the halls to go to the worship service I observed two young friends that were engaged in conversation in a very special way. I had seen these girls many times before, but the facts just did not click for me.... you see, the older one was attempting communicated via sign language with her deaf friend. It was a beautiful display of friendship and it was quite moving to see them totally immersed in conversation and giggles. After the worship service began my eyes kept being drawn to these girls for some reason. I was in awe of them when suddenly the facts all started clicking for me. The younger girl was in my husband's class last year and required special classroom modifications that we discussed at home many times. The older girl had also been one of his students and we had even seen her in a play before. These two girls were more than friends. They were sisters. And I suddenly realized that their mother is the precious woman that teaches Caden's little class of two year olds. I knew their story and their trials! I just did not know it was them. All of them... and I was moved to tears by these two girls and their relationship. God's ways are not our ways and I know they would not chosen for one of them to be deaf, but it was clear to me the precious gift they had been given through their trial. Such a closeness is what we should all strive for for our children. The worship also was filled with a message that seem to be just for me.

With that I started my week with a different attitude.... one of searching for answers... one with walks, instead of school... actually, one with very little school. As we walked I would say under my breath, "It is better for them to feel loved than to be smart." Seriously, I said it a few times softly to remind myself and keep my focus. Overall, it was a much better week, but I know I have got to make some serious decisions this weekend. Sierra is eager to do her school, but she does need to actually learn something instead of boring her with busy work. I am in a much better state of mind to make the decisions I need to make. These difficult times are never easy, but I know that it is in the times when we get desperate and defeated feeling that we truly are able to grow and rise to the challenge. So, here I go... digging deep.... I'll let you all know how my holiday weekend goes and the decisions we make!!!

It All Comes Back To Jesus

Tonight was the finale for our church Vacation Bible School! Wow! The church workers really did a great job! We are new to this church, so I had no idea what to expect. It was not just a program for the "members" kids. It was a huge outreach program... the way VBS should be. They ended up with 351 kids attending!! I plan to try to help out next year.

So, the main song is what I want to share with you tonight. The words are so powerful. Here is some of it:

"On the Boomerang Express it all comes back to Jesus!

No matter where you go or what you do

the most important thing in life is that you choose

to live for Jesus....

I'm glad you could make it for a ride that could change your life..."

So, the whole week the kids have been singing this and other songs along with the hand motions, which really reinforce the meaning of the songs. I think learning the hand motions helps the kids really think about what they are singing. All of the songs were wonderful and the church gave each of the kids a CD of the music! The kids have been listening to the songs all week due to their Daddy putting it on for them. I am so glad, because I do not always remember to do the little things like start the CD for them. One day I know they will take the initiative, but my kids are all young and they just don't do that, yet. So, if I let them forget they will and the CD will never get listened to. I am going make a point to start it for them and encourage them to start their music themselves. Music is such a wonderful learning (& fun) tool that I under use! And it has such power! All of us can remember words to songs, but can't remember simply poetry or facts sometimes. The message in Christian music is so much better that what I grew up listening to! That is what I want to "hide in their hearts". And I love it when you realize that what you have been singing is actually a Bible verse! Anyway, all of the lyrics are on Lifeway's website here. They are all in the form of PowerPoint presentations, so you have to download and "open" or "save". If you "watch" the presentations the kids can read along and sing like karaoke. Or you could print it out as a booklet for sing-a-long. Great practice for reading and for increasing reading speed without pressure.

So, if your kid's get a chance to "ride the Boomerang Express" this Summer you might want to take advantage of the PowerPoints... and purchase the CD, if your kids don't get a copy. The music is Contemporary and a great way for them to have cool non-secular music that is geared for their age.