Sleep... Elusive Sleep

 Sahara at age 2 "sleeping" with her babies

Do you sleep?  I just don't seem to sleep enough.  I go through times when I sleep well (maybe it is pure exhaustion).  Right now I seem to be is a season of sleeplessness.  Part of it stress regarding decisions that need to be made in my life right now.  Part of it is that my husband is a night owl with an extreme case of ADHD and he stays up late entertaining himself which keeps me awake.  Part of it is my need to feel like I keep the hubby company.... even though I really should just go to bed.  

And then, there are those times that my husband wakes me up just because he is awake.  For instance, one of the children awaken needing to go potty and that child wakes HIM up.  For whatever reason he feels like he has to tell me.  The problem is that five minutes later he is sleeping and snoring and I am awake for the next hour unable to go back to sleep.  

And then there are the normal pregnancy issues that keep a person up.... potty time due to a shrunken, squished bladder.  Sometimes the back get is a weird kink and you have to find that comfortable position.  I am not even halfway so this is not too much of an issue for me, yet... as long as I sleep on my side of the bed.  If my husband gets too close his weight pushes the mattress down and I wake up with a twisted, kinked back.  And I sleep lighter knowing I have a baby inside to protect... from the feet of a kicking two year old that is often lying beside me in my bed (but she is great to snuggle up to and her mere touch can relax me and make me sleepy... so there are a few bonuses).  

And then, there is the loneliness that creeps in at night.  I wish I was not saying this because it sounds so dramatically depressing, but the reality is that this bigger family living with all it's little people all around can be very lonely while the rest of the world and many friends and family shut you out.  I find the loneliness hits me when I lay my head down to sleep.  I wish it were not so, but to night that is one of the things keeping me awake.... combined with the hubby waking me up.