Well, I have some very exciting news to share. It seems that there will be a new baby in our home in the Spring. I have been wanting to share for a while, but I have been waiting on the right time. I have been trying to just soak it in and be quiet and still.... waiting to hear from God about every aspect of the situation. When to tell. How much to tell. What birth plan to follow. Who to contact for healthcare. By LMP I am at 10 weeks, which amazingly makes me almost done with the first trimester! Seriously, most moments I still don't fully feel I am expecting. I have had very little nauseau.... so little that it could easily be car sickness or fatigue. My belly has started to bulge, but other than that I have felt pretty normal. Okay.... well, I have been somewhat sleepy, but not like the major sleepies that overtake your very being. And occassionally I get sudden desperate hunger. Overall, though.... I just have not thrown up even once and without that I just do not fully register that I am actually pregnant.
Also, we have not wanted to share the news just yet with anyone, but even waiting on God couldn't keep this news at bay. I guess I'll have to wait on God on all the other issues I listed, because the secret is out. You see.... my momma bumped into me... into my belly... and with a shocked face she said, "Your belly is hard! Are you pregnant?" I tried to laugh it off, but as mothers are she was peristent and asked a few more times! I could not lie. Immediately, she told my daddy. I told them the kids did not know.... and my daddy immediately walked in the house and told the kids that Momma was going to have another baby! Yikes! That was not quite what I had in mind for breaking the news to the kids. Within thirty minutes or so my daddy was on the phone calling anyone he could think of... my brother... he left a message on their voice mail... my cousin, who told my aunt, who told my other cousin, who posted a congratualions on Facebook.... to which the phone rang and another aunt was calling my momma to find out why I was being congratulated! Yikes! I got on the phone and text my husband to tell him to tell his family immediately. You see my mother-in-law was asking a few days prior for some reason and we had managed to avoid a real answer with her. She left with us trying to convince her that it was a silly notion... she wasn't believing us. Seriously, I will never get how people figure these things out so quickly. My friend Michelle dreams that I am pregnant..... my daughter in past pregancies has told me I am pregnant... my aunt and/or cousin always "sense" it and say they already new when they get the news... and my MIL usually has some idea before we break the news. It is just weird... I don't get it... oh and my mother had said, "I had a dream you were pregnant! It was a nightmare!" about a week before I took a test.... Hmmm..... see why we were trying to keep it a secret for a while.
I wish more people got excited for you. All they seem to focus on is the negative... or they fake it! I prefer the latter, but really I know these people and I know they are faking it. ;) And, of course, they assume that it is an unplanned surprise and then, they end up being the ones surprised when I tell them we were not at all surprised. ;) And while we are on that topic.... Where we "plannning or trying" to conceive? Well, we made the decision for me not to have my tubes tied, cut, burned, etc. when Sahara was born. She was my fourth c-section baby. I can tell you that on the operating table I told my husband, "I don't want to do this again." I was talking about surgery. My husband contacted a doctor about a vasectomy and set up a surgery date. I did not want him to have it, but it was not my decision alone to make.... but when the paperwork was mailed to our house I found out that I had to sign on it. I could not do it. I told my husband that I could not do it, but he could forge my signature if he wanted to. He would not do that and realizing how strongly I felt about it he cancelled the surgery. Around the time Sahara turned a year old he began to get that twinkle in his eye. He seems to always fall in love with our babies even more when they are that age and start to think about what another one would be like. I on the other hand was saying no... as I laughed at him. I just did not want to face surgery and adjusting to homeschooling did not seem to be the right time to add to the family either. My ovulation cycle is VERY clear, so I would just avoid him during those times for the most part.
During this time my friend, Michelle, was going through pregnancy and was using a midwife. She had also had four past c-sections, as well as, two vaginal births. I was so happy for her that she was getting to make her own choice and have a VBAC. Her history was c-section, vaginal, vaginal, then hospital/doctor policy changed and she was forced to have c-section, c-section, c-section due to her first baby being a c-section birth. She knew she could birth her own babies, but her choices were not her own to make as long as she used an Obstetrician! She found a midwife that agreed to take her on. Today she has a beautiful six month old baby that she had vaginally as a result! And she paved the way for me! I am truly amazed at the way God works!
As time went on it has become harder to just avoid my husband when I know I am ovulating... and I honestly did not want to. I just did not want another c-section. I began to talk to him about trying a midwife, if one would take me on. He finally said that we could try that if I wanted to.... if we ever had to make that decision. I started slowly educating myself about VBAC, but still was uncertain I could find any midwife that would take me on. You see... my first doctor said that in his opinion I could never have over a five pound baby due to my pelvic size. My babies are all eight pounders!.... and fat even at birth! This is called CPD (Cephalo-pelvic Disproportion) and this made me "defective", which convinced me that I was "defective" and the best choice I could make would be to consent to a c-section so that the baby would not get stuck and die. It is just lovely how they convince you of these things! And in this moment I began to believe that I was one of "those women" that would have died in labor with her baby if it were not for c-sections. And within the next year and a half most hospitals nationwide changed their policies to no VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Casaerean) and this meant that I would HAVE to have c-sections if I wanted more children. All my choices were made for me, but at some point it actually becomes more dangerous to have repeat c-sections and that is where I am now. Four is enough. In saying that I do realize that I could very well have to have another c-section and if it is NECESSARY I would, but this time I am searching out other options.
So, yesterday I went to see a midwife and she did pelvimetry to access my "defective" pelvis. And guess what?! To both our surprise I apparently have a normal pelvis. Not only is it not defective, but it appears to be quite favorable for birthing a child. Plenty of room for a baby to pass through from what the midwife can tell! Click over and read about pelvimetry... it is short, but very interesting about the likelihood of "false diagnosis" and why it is not good to "labor on your back". I linked to the Wikipedia definition as not to give a "biased" definition. You know that if I used a definition off of a midwifery page, then we would all be wondering if it was a "biased" definition and vice versus if I were to use a definition off of an Obstetrician page.
So, now I have some decisions to make. The midwife wanted to pray about it and for me to pray about it. Clearly she is ready to take me on, but she would like to take this first step and I surely wouldn't argue with that. God should be at the head of this decision. And so I wait... to hear from God... for my husband to be on board, because he said he will support my decision.... but, he has to be totally on board... and I need to be in a constant state of prayer over every aspect of this decision. And it is not about "getting my way"... I want to do what is best. I know that God's design is what is best! And He will guide me if I listen. Anyone that feels lead to please pray that we will make the best decisions and in the end God will get the glory and honor.