Showing posts with label Birth Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birth Story. Show all posts
Saturday, January 30, 2016
Life is Like a Dance
My oldest daughter says I should blog, again. I really did not mean to stop but life is busy and things happen. Not all things are good, so not all things inspire us to keep writing. I guess in the midst of some rough times I just really did not feel like "talking". It's time to talk, I suppose. I know at one point I shared about my third miscarriage (this month is the two year anniversary of that miscarriage). I started blogging again some time after that and after we had made the decision to move. I shared some of the beginnings of our new life on our our SIX acres (so, I really need to update my blog cover page). It was shortly after that I had my fourth miscarriage. I really closed up in many ways... the blog was one of those. That has been well over a year now. I can hardly believe the time has passed. In many ways I have healed emotionally but in many ways I am very broken. It's like a dance of two steps forward, one step back. I have realized that each miscarriage in my life has escalated panic attacks for me. I can wake up like today thinking I am going to do big things... and then, the sense that "I can't" creeps in and I sit frozen in a panic attack. I guess I no longer feel "capable". I used to feel like I could do anything I set my mind to. Now, I just don't feel like I can. I have never really felt that way so I don't know how to fix it. It is a day to day walk for me. In many ways I have learned to move forward, but again it is like that dance... two steps forward and one back. I have come so far but I have so far to go.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Birth Posting, Sienna 4 months, Job Changes, & A New School Year.... Oh My!!!
Next thought is that my tiny baby girl is no longer so tiny. She is already four months old and I have been loving every ounce of her!! My kids adore her, too. I love watching all of them interact with her. Caden is a bit rough, but she smiles about it (when she is not frightened... sometimes he startles her). Savannah gets to hold her walking around some (with caution) and she has changed some diapers and clothing. Sierra is jealous... not jealous of the baby, but that Savannah is allowed to do more. Savannah is 3 years and 3 months older than Sierra. Sierra is allowed to hold Sienna, but is not supposed to walk around with her or get her out of her highchair, etc.. She does it sometimes, anyway... and gets scolded. Sahara loves to crawl in the baby bed and lay beside Sienna and play with her. Caden does this some, also. And yes, I let them. Call me crazy, but I let my kids love on the baby as long as it is being monitored for safety and such.
Our Summer has not been what I wanted. Chaos has kind of been the mood around here this Summer. I do not like chaos. Goals have not been achieved and I am pretty sure I am the only one that cares. LOL! Only it really is not that funny to me. ;) But our Summer is coming to a close. Normally, my husband would go back to his normal teaching job about a week before the students would. That date would have been August 16th and that would leave us with almost a full month of Summer left. That will not be the case this year because quite unexpectedly Cody got an Assistant Principal job at a local elementary school (Pre-K thru 1st grade). It is very exciting! His first official day of work will be August, BUT unofficially he is already working. He interviewed on July 11th (Monday) and was supposed to find out the next day; however, within a few hours he got the call. He signed the contract two days later on my birthday (Wednesday). Then, he had a teacher workshop to attend the next day and went to work on Friday. That was last week. This week he will be working four days. Next week he is supposed to work on Monday and be off the rest of the week, but we will see. Other than the possibility of being off some next week our Summer has come to a close. That's okay with me, though. I am reading to get back to a routine!! And it is pretty exciting that what we have wiated for has finally happened. We could not ask for anything better! ... and honestly we are having a hard time processing that this is reality because it is so stinking perfect! God is good!
My closing thought is that I am prepping to get out schooling underway. For the most part when Cody is at work we are at work/school. It is just easier to follow his schedule because when he is home our schedule goes out the window. And as I type this I wonder if that is the case for other homeschoolers out there. Are you able to get school done when Daddy is home or does it just get too crazy?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sienna's Birth Continued -- Part 3
First of all you will want to read Part 1 and Part 2, if you have not already done so. And if you want to see pics of Sienna you can see some here, as well as, her birth stats.
I am gonna start this post by saying the memory is a strange thing. Apparently, there are some things I am remembering differently than what is reality. At 4:00 this morning we awoke to my four year old son crying and soon realized he had a fever and belly ache. Sienna got woke up because she was wanting to nurse and Caden was calling out for Momma. Momma simply can't be in two places at once, so Sienna had to wait a few minutes and got fully awakened. Since Cody and I were awake we started talking about the birth happenings. Apparently, that whole thing about the people in the elevator happened on our way INTO the hotel. And it makes sense, but for some reason I am thinking there were people in the elevator as we DEPARTED, also. He says there definitely was not. Maybe I was just afraid there were going to be people in the elevator. Who knows..., but I wanted to correct it here.
Anyway, back to the story... so, we arrive at the hospital and I take my ride up to labor and delivery in the wheelchair. At this point it should be noted that just by making the decision to come to the hospital I will be having a c-section. It is not a question of whether or not it is necessary. They simply will not allow VBACs even though this hospital does not have a ban on VBACs. The doctors that work for this hospital will not do VBAC births. So, really we already know how this story is going to end. I am simply recounting some more of the details here for others that might want to know, that might one day go through this, that want to avoid this, and for my own "therapy" to get it written down.
The entire time we were at the hospital the staff wanted to know why we waited so long to come to the hospital and were fishing for details related to the midwife. We were honest to the point that we were attempting a VBAC birth, but we were not telling details that would get anyone in trouble. The midwife ("labor assistant" in our case) followed us to the hospital, escorted us in and up to labor and delivery, and slipped out when she was no longer needed. From the very beginning we had relinquished her of all liability and that is how we wanted it for her and her family's sake. If her license were to come into question she would be at risk for her losing her family's primary income.
The hospital staff was pleasant, but very obvious about thinking we should not be trying to VBAC or take the risk. All of which I told them I felt should clearly be my choice to make and not theirs... nicely, of course. I let them know that even though I knew I would have to have a c-section now I was glad that all of this had been my choice. Our careful consideration of the risks is what lead us to make the decision to come on to the hospital. I asked them to please not drag it out or make me lay in a bed for and hour or two if it was not necessary. They assured me they would not, BUT that they needed to check me out first. They didn't really take my word for anything. The fact that my water broke and that I was dilating were all things THEY had to check BEFORE they would even call in the on-call obstetrician. They started with having me put on a hospital gown, pee in a cup, hooking me up to an IV, strapping on the fetal monitor, putting on a constant blood pressure cuff, and then doing a cervical check. The latter of these things had to be done while I was lying flat on my back. As was the case with the midwife, the cervical check threw me into a series of difficult contractions, but it was worse with all these things attached to me and being that I had to be on the bed the whole time. I was pleased to hear that I was still progressing and had dilated from a 3 to a 4 in about a 30 minute time frame. Even in this confined state the babies heart rate nor mine ever went up into a dangerous area and I had no other bleeding. We had left the hotel at approximately 1:30 AM and this cervical check was done about thirty minutes later. The baby was delivered at 3:14 AM. In that almost two hour time frame there was never any other signs of possible danger. I just had to lay there through all those contractions either on my back or on my side feeling like my hips were being broken with each contraction. I don't say that to be dramatic. It is just that if I had been allowed to stand up I could have managed the pain without yelling out in pain. As it was I was not only in pain, but I felt like a fool that was quickly losing control with no option but to just get through it. I prayed that God would impress on the doctor that was called to come quickly and not linger and that God would just help me manage the pain for the duration. Time seemed to drag on, but at the same time it passed quickly... I know that makes no sense, but I was in a state of just making it from one contraction to the next until it was time to go to the operating room. This is where I really needed someone to be MY advocate. My husband really just did not know what to do to help me. I wanted him to demand they let me stand, but it is not really in his nature to take control of such a situation. He was able to talk me through the contractions and breathing and that was very helpful. If I had it to do over I would have had someone there that would really speak up on my behalf and be demanding even if it "stepped on toes". At some point they shaved the area for the "bikini cut" and started to insert the catheter (bladder). I asked if they could please wait until right before the surgery for the catheter and I was, at least, granted that request. They did do it sooner than necessary, but I was able to have a little more time without it.
I was taken to the operating room and my husband was given his "scrubs" to change into. I then had to sit up and curl my back forward to get the spinal block for surgery. This is an excruciating thing to do during contractions. At first I was not able to manage staying in a curl position, but after a couple of contractions this way I mustered up the ability to maintain the curl. It seemed to take a while for them to get the spinal block administered, but soon I was no longer feeling anything from the ribs down. Shortly after that I was transferred over to the actual operating table and my arms strapped down and all the draping attached and draped around me. I could feel them scrubbing my belly and prepping for surgery. I questioned how much I could feel and they did some test pokes, etc. to make sure the anesthesia was working and as a few minutes passed it was clear it was in fact working and they began the surgery. Soon Cody came in and was seated by my head.
In the past I have had one birth that I could feel a lot of pain due to anesthesia not working properly, so I have a huge fear of this. At that birth I felt the pain of a lot of the surgery. For this one I felt a lot of the surgery, but it was not painful at all. I could feel their hands up inside my ribs, but it was almost like a tickle. It was very strange, but not scary for me. I was thankful there was no pain. For whatever reason the doctors had a difficult time getting Sienna out. Maybe it was how far she was descended into the birth canal. I don't guess I will ever know, but I know that I was continuing to progress beyond that check that was done at a 4.... I could feel my hips spreading through those contractions. It took them several minutes to get her out. If you are familiar with having a c-section you know that it is usually a matter of seconds. C-sections deliveries often go very quickly, but this one was much longer. When she came out she looked like a tiny little Summo wrestler. She was short and fat and had a head full of thick dark brown hair. In spite of the change in plans all I could do was cry tears of joy that our little Sienna was here and we were both healthy. Cody got to see her right away and cut her cord (or rather re-cut it). He was able to watch her be cleaned up and hold her right away. That is something I have always wanted to experience, but it always gives me great joy to know that he gets that time with the baby while I am waiting and listening. Soon after, Cody and the on-call pediatrician brought her over to me and I was able snuggle her check to check for a few moments while they took pictures. After that Cody left with her and they went to the newborn nursery.
I am truly thankful for the on call doctors, anesthesiologists, nurses, pediatrician, etc. and for what they do. Even though they obviously did not agree with my choices they gave me great care and I did feel really bad about them having to be awakened and come in to do my surgery. After they finished my surgery I was wheeled into recovery. I was there for about an hour and a half and then I was taken to a room. I was able to see Sienna in the newborn nursery as I was wheeled past. I was finally able to hold her when she was brought to my room at 6:30 a.m.. The pediatric nurse that brought her in said that Sienna was "capping" and had a hematoma on the back of her head from the pressure. She stated that she felt that the baby may have gotten stuck, if we had proceeded with the VBAC. My thoughts on this are mixed. At first I held onto these statements as confirmaion that the c-section was necessary; however, by the time I was holding Sienna there were no signs of "capping" or the hematoma. I have been told that true "capping" and a hematoma would not go away that quickly and the hematoma would be evident 24 hours later. Whether the c-section was medically necessary or not I can not say, but being that the midwife made the call to transfer to the hospital our only choice would have been to stay and do it all on our own. That was not something we felt comfortable doing; therefore, for us the c-section was necessary. I feel we made the right choice in the situation. I will always wonder and this will always be something I struggle with. I don't know that I will ever feel totally at peace with it, but I am totally at peace with knowing my little Sienna is safely in my arms. I would go through a hundred surgeries for that.
So, I guess that is her "birth" story. I will be writing about our recovery, so this series will continue a little longer. I think it is a very important part of her birth story because it turns out that this c-section was one of my most difficult recoveries in some ways. I think it is important to include this information because it is truly why I wanted to VBAC to begin with. C-sections are not a natural part of birth and there are always complications that go with it.
To be continued.... once again... ;)
I am gonna start this post by saying the memory is a strange thing. Apparently, there are some things I am remembering differently than what is reality. At 4:00 this morning we awoke to my four year old son crying and soon realized he had a fever and belly ache. Sienna got woke up because she was wanting to nurse and Caden was calling out for Momma. Momma simply can't be in two places at once, so Sienna had to wait a few minutes and got fully awakened. Since Cody and I were awake we started talking about the birth happenings. Apparently, that whole thing about the people in the elevator happened on our way INTO the hotel. And it makes sense, but for some reason I am thinking there were people in the elevator as we DEPARTED, also. He says there definitely was not. Maybe I was just afraid there were going to be people in the elevator. Who knows..., but I wanted to correct it here.
Anyway, back to the story... so, we arrive at the hospital and I take my ride up to labor and delivery in the wheelchair. At this point it should be noted that just by making the decision to come to the hospital I will be having a c-section. It is not a question of whether or not it is necessary. They simply will not allow VBACs even though this hospital does not have a ban on VBACs. The doctors that work for this hospital will not do VBAC births. So, really we already know how this story is going to end. I am simply recounting some more of the details here for others that might want to know, that might one day go through this, that want to avoid this, and for my own "therapy" to get it written down.
The entire time we were at the hospital the staff wanted to know why we waited so long to come to the hospital and were fishing for details related to the midwife. We were honest to the point that we were attempting a VBAC birth, but we were not telling details that would get anyone in trouble. The midwife ("labor assistant" in our case) followed us to the hospital, escorted us in and up to labor and delivery, and slipped out when she was no longer needed. From the very beginning we had relinquished her of all liability and that is how we wanted it for her and her family's sake. If her license were to come into question she would be at risk for her losing her family's primary income.
The hospital staff was pleasant, but very obvious about thinking we should not be trying to VBAC or take the risk. All of which I told them I felt should clearly be my choice to make and not theirs... nicely, of course. I let them know that even though I knew I would have to have a c-section now I was glad that all of this had been my choice. Our careful consideration of the risks is what lead us to make the decision to come on to the hospital. I asked them to please not drag it out or make me lay in a bed for and hour or two if it was not necessary. They assured me they would not, BUT that they needed to check me out first. They didn't really take my word for anything. The fact that my water broke and that I was dilating were all things THEY had to check BEFORE they would even call in the on-call obstetrician. They started with having me put on a hospital gown, pee in a cup, hooking me up to an IV, strapping on the fetal monitor, putting on a constant blood pressure cuff, and then doing a cervical check. The latter of these things had to be done while I was lying flat on my back. As was the case with the midwife, the cervical check threw me into a series of difficult contractions, but it was worse with all these things attached to me and being that I had to be on the bed the whole time. I was pleased to hear that I was still progressing and had dilated from a 3 to a 4 in about a 30 minute time frame. Even in this confined state the babies heart rate nor mine ever went up into a dangerous area and I had no other bleeding. We had left the hotel at approximately 1:30 AM and this cervical check was done about thirty minutes later. The baby was delivered at 3:14 AM. In that almost two hour time frame there was never any other signs of possible danger. I just had to lay there through all those contractions either on my back or on my side feeling like my hips were being broken with each contraction. I don't say that to be dramatic. It is just that if I had been allowed to stand up I could have managed the pain without yelling out in pain. As it was I was not only in pain, but I felt like a fool that was quickly losing control with no option but to just get through it. I prayed that God would impress on the doctor that was called to come quickly and not linger and that God would just help me manage the pain for the duration. Time seemed to drag on, but at the same time it passed quickly... I know that makes no sense, but I was in a state of just making it from one contraction to the next until it was time to go to the operating room. This is where I really needed someone to be MY advocate. My husband really just did not know what to do to help me. I wanted him to demand they let me stand, but it is not really in his nature to take control of such a situation. He was able to talk me through the contractions and breathing and that was very helpful. If I had it to do over I would have had someone there that would really speak up on my behalf and be demanding even if it "stepped on toes". At some point they shaved the area for the "bikini cut" and started to insert the catheter (bladder). I asked if they could please wait until right before the surgery for the catheter and I was, at least, granted that request. They did do it sooner than necessary, but I was able to have a little more time without it.
I was taken to the operating room and my husband was given his "scrubs" to change into. I then had to sit up and curl my back forward to get the spinal block for surgery. This is an excruciating thing to do during contractions. At first I was not able to manage staying in a curl position, but after a couple of contractions this way I mustered up the ability to maintain the curl. It seemed to take a while for them to get the spinal block administered, but soon I was no longer feeling anything from the ribs down. Shortly after that I was transferred over to the actual operating table and my arms strapped down and all the draping attached and draped around me. I could feel them scrubbing my belly and prepping for surgery. I questioned how much I could feel and they did some test pokes, etc. to make sure the anesthesia was working and as a few minutes passed it was clear it was in fact working and they began the surgery. Soon Cody came in and was seated by my head.
In the past I have had one birth that I could feel a lot of pain due to anesthesia not working properly, so I have a huge fear of this. At that birth I felt the pain of a lot of the surgery. For this one I felt a lot of the surgery, but it was not painful at all. I could feel their hands up inside my ribs, but it was almost like a tickle. It was very strange, but not scary for me. I was thankful there was no pain. For whatever reason the doctors had a difficult time getting Sienna out. Maybe it was how far she was descended into the birth canal. I don't guess I will ever know, but I know that I was continuing to progress beyond that check that was done at a 4.... I could feel my hips spreading through those contractions. It took them several minutes to get her out. If you are familiar with having a c-section you know that it is usually a matter of seconds. C-sections deliveries often go very quickly, but this one was much longer. When she came out she looked like a tiny little Summo wrestler. She was short and fat and had a head full of thick dark brown hair. In spite of the change in plans all I could do was cry tears of joy that our little Sienna was here and we were both healthy. Cody got to see her right away and cut her cord (or rather re-cut it). He was able to watch her be cleaned up and hold her right away. That is something I have always wanted to experience, but it always gives me great joy to know that he gets that time with the baby while I am waiting and listening. Soon after, Cody and the on-call pediatrician brought her over to me and I was able snuggle her check to check for a few moments while they took pictures. After that Cody left with her and they went to the newborn nursery.
I am truly thankful for the on call doctors, anesthesiologists, nurses, pediatrician, etc. and for what they do. Even though they obviously did not agree with my choices they gave me great care and I did feel really bad about them having to be awakened and come in to do my surgery. After they finished my surgery I was wheeled into recovery. I was there for about an hour and a half and then I was taken to a room. I was able to see Sienna in the newborn nursery as I was wheeled past. I was finally able to hold her when she was brought to my room at 6:30 a.m.. The pediatric nurse that brought her in said that Sienna was "capping" and had a hematoma on the back of her head from the pressure. She stated that she felt that the baby may have gotten stuck, if we had proceeded with the VBAC. My thoughts on this are mixed. At first I held onto these statements as confirmaion that the c-section was necessary; however, by the time I was holding Sienna there were no signs of "capping" or the hematoma. I have been told that true "capping" and a hematoma would not go away that quickly and the hematoma would be evident 24 hours later. Whether the c-section was medically necessary or not I can not say, but being that the midwife made the call to transfer to the hospital our only choice would have been to stay and do it all on our own. That was not something we felt comfortable doing; therefore, for us the c-section was necessary. I feel we made the right choice in the situation. I will always wonder and this will always be something I struggle with. I don't know that I will ever feel totally at peace with it, but I am totally at peace with knowing my little Sienna is safely in my arms. I would go through a hundred surgeries for that.
So, I guess that is her "birth" story. I will be writing about our recovery, so this series will continue a little longer. I think it is a very important part of her birth story because it turns out that this c-section was one of my most difficult recoveries in some ways. I think it is important to include this information because it is truly why I wanted to VBAC to begin with. C-sections are not a natural part of birth and there are always complications that go with it.
To be continued.... once again... ;)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Sienna's Birth Continued -- Part 2
Truly, I am sorry for leaving you hanging, but I know this post would never make it further than the drafts folder if I did not get it posted. If you have not read the beginning, then scroll down to the post titled "Sienna's Birth" or simply click here to go directly to that post.
Continuing -- Part 2 --
So, we arrived at the hotel and got all of our stuff unloaded, except the birth ball and the birthing pool. As Cody brought the stuff in (and it is a lot of stuff) I tried to manage arranging it between contractions. The room was a Suite and the way the room was set up you walked into a main sitting area that had a TV, fold out couch, etc. with a long countertop along one wall. This was a sort of kitchen area that had a microwave and mini-fridge and plenty of space to serve as meal prep area... or in our case the perfect place for the birthing supplies. A doorway beside this countertop lead to the bedroom and bathroom facilities. It was very spacious and really a great set-up for the birth. It is strange how you never know what is going to be the thing that relaxes you during birth, but it turns out for me it was the bedroom window. The window ledge was waist high and about 8" wide and made a great place to lean on and look out at the freeway. For some reason I had thought the traffic would bother me and it turned out to be the opposite. Maybe it was the fast movement of things around me or the lights at night and the street noise.... whatever it was it seemed to calm me to look out the 3rd story window of the hotel and I would lean on the ledge with my elbows and sway back and forth. Sometimes I would even squat some and come back up. And that was the way I managed the contractions while it was just me and Cody.
Cody prepared the bed. Originally, the plan was to strip all the hotel stuff off, but with the supplies I broughht he decided to skip that step. He pulled the sheets and bedspread back to the end of the bed and covered the mattress and sheets with a plastic mattress cover. He then put on a set of our sheets from home and layered on a "plastic backed disposable sheet" that I ordered with my birth supplies. On top of that would be a "chux" pad each time I lay down for a cervical check. I plan to do a post later of birth supplies and explain the usage for those that might wonder what is needed.
Once the midwife arrived she had me sign a form aboout consent and liability and she observed me for awhile to see how I was handling contractions and how intense they were. It was decided that she would check dilation and we would move to the water. Instead of the birthing pool Cody and the midwife decided that we should try using the whirlpool tub. Cody began filling the tub with warm water and poured in about an ounce of Povidine for sterilization. As the tub was filling we did a cervix check and I was dilated to a 2. I was very excited to hear this. I had never dilated before and had been lead to believe my body was not capable of dilating! It may not seem like much to some, but I thought it was awesome. The down side to the cervical check was that it threw me into a series of very intense and difficult to deal with contractions. For me lying was the worst position to be in for contractions, so that made it worse. As soon as I was able to manage getting up I went to the window once again.
After about 10:00 PM time had no relevance to me, so I can not even estimate time frames any longer at this point.
The next goal was to get into the water. Again, I have no idea what time we started this. I put on my water birthing dress. It was suggested that I go naked, but I had not quite lost all modesty, yet. ;) As I was getting into the tub the midwife suggested that Cody get in with me and sit behind me to support my body. To my surprise he did! It was a bit crowded, but it worked. My husband is 6'2", so he takes up a lot of space. ;) At first I thought the water was not going to work well for me and I was tensing up. Cody was reminding me to breath correctly and the midwife started telling me to just relax my body and let it fall into the water. In my waterdress I felt comfortable letting my legs fall open without feeling like I was "showing it all". The simple thought of letting my pelvis fall into the water was just the thing to relax me through contractions when I would start to tense up. Cody and I would both have some cramped up moments in the tub, but we would shift a little or reposition slightly and carry on. It was going well. Periodically, during contractions and after the midwife would ask if I felt any pain at my incision sight or in that area at all. I never did and would even say that I felt great. Nothing at all was concerning me about the incision. I was feeling very good about the labor and how I was handling contractions.
Now, let me be very clear here. I am not saying that I did not have any pain. I could often be qouted as saying it feels like my pelvis is breaking apart. Not in a frightened way... just as a statement of observation. For someone who has never been through labor it was just something of an observation for me. In the past I had thought that dilation would be more of a muscular type pain, but in fact it felt like the pelvis bones were where the main focus of the pain was. As long as I was off my hips this was a manageable pain, though.
During this time in the water I began to need something more to soothe me. I had been praying through contractions from the time we were in transport up until now. In the weeks leading up to this point I had been "collecting" Bible verses and songs, as well as, a few motivational thoughts to help get me through labor. I had printed them on pretty paper with a plan to hang them around the room somehow... only I did not bring tape. Anyhow, I did scan over the list a couple of times, but while in the water I could not hold onto a paper list. I started to ask Cody for my music. The original plan was to play the songs on the list via my computer and youtube. I had this all set up in the sitting area, but we were in the tub. I started asking Cody for my music. I told him, "I need my music." He finally came up with the solution to play Pandora Radio via the iPod. Yippee! And amazingly beginning with the first song that came on they were playing the music from my list! I was not really shocked. I knew God was in this, but it was beautiful affirmation of it for me. As I listened to the music and sang with it I was truly relaxed. I would stop singing only when the contractions were more intense and I needed to focus on breathing evenly.
Somehow, a couple of hours must have passed and the midwife wanted me to get out of the water and do another cervix check. I did not want to get out nor did I care about a cervix check. I stayed a bit longer mostly because I simply did not want to move from where I was. Finally, I got out and dried off a bit. Again, I went back to that window for comfort while managing contractions out of the water. After a few minutes they convinced me to lie down for a cervical check. I knew this was going to be a painful time for me and I was not eager to get to do the check. I knew it was likely to throw me into another serious of intense back to back contractions. When the midwife checked me, sure enough the intesity rose. It seemed like forever to me that she did this check. When she pulled her hand back there was a gush of liquid with some blood mixed in... nothing bright red or alarming to me... it was what I would describe as more of a bloody show mixed with otherwise clear amniotic fluid. Being on my back when these intense contractions began I felt like my hips were breaking. As soon as I got through the first contraction I got up and went to the window with the "chux" pad between my legs to manage this series of contractions. I had a few moments of dripping some blood, but again it was not a lot or was it bright red or alarming to me. And it stopped after these few intense contractions. As I stood at the window the midwife checked the baby's heartbeat through a couple of contractions. After that she walked into the sitting room area for a brief moment. As she walked back in she announced that she thought it was time to make a hospital transfer. Honestly, I was shocked. She said that the last two times she had checked the baby's heartbeat it had been high and this last time it was 174. I knew from my own research that the safe range for the baby's heartrate was 120-160. She said I was dilated to a 3, so that was progress (in my view), but the baby's head had "capping" or swelling from pushing up against the cervix. The fact that the heart rate was rising was a sign that the baby was not handling the contractions well and there was too much pressure on her head causing the "capping". She also said my heartrate was rising, but I must say that I don't see how it could not during contractions.... especially, during these intense ones set on by the cervical check. I also think the bleeding scared her a bit. But the thing was is that she was making the judgement call that we should transfer and ultimately if we had not help and she was leaving then, my options were gone unless I was willing to go with an usassisted birth. I was not willing to do that. I stalled a moment.... not purposely. I neededo process it a moment and I said that a couple of times. I also needed to clear my head between contractions (remember they are consistently every 3 minutes at this point and had been for several hours), so I could decide what in the room needed to go with us to the hospital. This is were it all changed for me. This is where I had to let go of what I wanted and succumb to what had to be. It was not my choice, yet it was for the safety of the baby and myself and it was clear my husband could not do this without a midwife to guide him.... nor could I. I needed someone to coach me through.
I changed and we quickly gathered a few things that we knew we needed and left out for the hospital. We got to the elevator at the same time as a couple with a toddler. There was no option, but to get on. And you have to remember that we are at hotel trying to conceal that I am in labor. Somehow I managed to not have a contraction in that elevator and made it through the front lobby and out into the lobby and onto our shuttle bus without it being obvious I was in labor. As soon as I stepped foot on that bus... that very bumpy bus... my contractions came back in full force. Transport time to the hospital was under five minutes, but it seemed longer through contractions. During this drive I begged Cody to please not let them torture me once we got to the hospital, although I new it was inevitable. I had done this part before when I went into labor with Caden two days before his scheduled c-section. We parked the bus and I walked into the emergency room with Cody and the midwife who had followed us in her car.
We registered at the desk and they quickly put a hospital band on my arm and within minutes I was headed up to labor and delivery. They brought me a wheelchair and I asked if I could just walk. Of course not... and that is where the torture began. They don't mean to torture you. It is just that in following "their rules and protocol" that is what it ends up being. I could have walked and managed those contractions while standing, but they "required" me to ride in a wheelchair.
And that is where I am going to have to end for now. Sorry, but it is one week and three days after this birth and recovery had been difficult. Just last night I was throwing up and feeling very ill, again. I am supposed to be sleeping right now while my husband is gone with the kids to homeschool co-op. So, I am going to cuddle my tiny one and snooze and I will continue the rest of the story as soon as possible.
To be continued.....
Continuing -- Part 2 --
So, we arrived at the hotel and got all of our stuff unloaded, except the birth ball and the birthing pool. As Cody brought the stuff in (and it is a lot of stuff) I tried to manage arranging it between contractions. The room was a Suite and the way the room was set up you walked into a main sitting area that had a TV, fold out couch, etc. with a long countertop along one wall. This was a sort of kitchen area that had a microwave and mini-fridge and plenty of space to serve as meal prep area... or in our case the perfect place for the birthing supplies. A doorway beside this countertop lead to the bedroom and bathroom facilities. It was very spacious and really a great set-up for the birth. It is strange how you never know what is going to be the thing that relaxes you during birth, but it turns out for me it was the bedroom window. The window ledge was waist high and about 8" wide and made a great place to lean on and look out at the freeway. For some reason I had thought the traffic would bother me and it turned out to be the opposite. Maybe it was the fast movement of things around me or the lights at night and the street noise.... whatever it was it seemed to calm me to look out the 3rd story window of the hotel and I would lean on the ledge with my elbows and sway back and forth. Sometimes I would even squat some and come back up. And that was the way I managed the contractions while it was just me and Cody.
Cody prepared the bed. Originally, the plan was to strip all the hotel stuff off, but with the supplies I broughht he decided to skip that step. He pulled the sheets and bedspread back to the end of the bed and covered the mattress and sheets with a plastic mattress cover. He then put on a set of our sheets from home and layered on a "plastic backed disposable sheet" that I ordered with my birth supplies. On top of that would be a "chux" pad each time I lay down for a cervical check. I plan to do a post later of birth supplies and explain the usage for those that might wonder what is needed.
Once the midwife arrived she had me sign a form aboout consent and liability and she observed me for awhile to see how I was handling contractions and how intense they were. It was decided that she would check dilation and we would move to the water. Instead of the birthing pool Cody and the midwife decided that we should try using the whirlpool tub. Cody began filling the tub with warm water and poured in about an ounce of Povidine for sterilization. As the tub was filling we did a cervix check and I was dilated to a 2. I was very excited to hear this. I had never dilated before and had been lead to believe my body was not capable of dilating! It may not seem like much to some, but I thought it was awesome. The down side to the cervical check was that it threw me into a series of very intense and difficult to deal with contractions. For me lying was the worst position to be in for contractions, so that made it worse. As soon as I was able to manage getting up I went to the window once again.
After about 10:00 PM time had no relevance to me, so I can not even estimate time frames any longer at this point.
The next goal was to get into the water. Again, I have no idea what time we started this. I put on my water birthing dress. It was suggested that I go naked, but I had not quite lost all modesty, yet. ;) As I was getting into the tub the midwife suggested that Cody get in with me and sit behind me to support my body. To my surprise he did! It was a bit crowded, but it worked. My husband is 6'2", so he takes up a lot of space. ;) At first I thought the water was not going to work well for me and I was tensing up. Cody was reminding me to breath correctly and the midwife started telling me to just relax my body and let it fall into the water. In my waterdress I felt comfortable letting my legs fall open without feeling like I was "showing it all". The simple thought of letting my pelvis fall into the water was just the thing to relax me through contractions when I would start to tense up. Cody and I would both have some cramped up moments in the tub, but we would shift a little or reposition slightly and carry on. It was going well. Periodically, during contractions and after the midwife would ask if I felt any pain at my incision sight or in that area at all. I never did and would even say that I felt great. Nothing at all was concerning me about the incision. I was feeling very good about the labor and how I was handling contractions.
Now, let me be very clear here. I am not saying that I did not have any pain. I could often be qouted as saying it feels like my pelvis is breaking apart. Not in a frightened way... just as a statement of observation. For someone who has never been through labor it was just something of an observation for me. In the past I had thought that dilation would be more of a muscular type pain, but in fact it felt like the pelvis bones were where the main focus of the pain was. As long as I was off my hips this was a manageable pain, though.
During this time in the water I began to need something more to soothe me. I had been praying through contractions from the time we were in transport up until now. In the weeks leading up to this point I had been "collecting" Bible verses and songs, as well as, a few motivational thoughts to help get me through labor. I had printed them on pretty paper with a plan to hang them around the room somehow... only I did not bring tape. Anyhow, I did scan over the list a couple of times, but while in the water I could not hold onto a paper list. I started to ask Cody for my music. The original plan was to play the songs on the list via my computer and youtube. I had this all set up in the sitting area, but we were in the tub. I started asking Cody for my music. I told him, "I need my music." He finally came up with the solution to play Pandora Radio via the iPod. Yippee! And amazingly beginning with the first song that came on they were playing the music from my list! I was not really shocked. I knew God was in this, but it was beautiful affirmation of it for me. As I listened to the music and sang with it I was truly relaxed. I would stop singing only when the contractions were more intense and I needed to focus on breathing evenly.
Somehow, a couple of hours must have passed and the midwife wanted me to get out of the water and do another cervix check. I did not want to get out nor did I care about a cervix check. I stayed a bit longer mostly because I simply did not want to move from where I was. Finally, I got out and dried off a bit. Again, I went back to that window for comfort while managing contractions out of the water. After a few minutes they convinced me to lie down for a cervical check. I knew this was going to be a painful time for me and I was not eager to get to do the check. I knew it was likely to throw me into another serious of intense back to back contractions. When the midwife checked me, sure enough the intesity rose. It seemed like forever to me that she did this check. When she pulled her hand back there was a gush of liquid with some blood mixed in... nothing bright red or alarming to me... it was what I would describe as more of a bloody show mixed with otherwise clear amniotic fluid. Being on my back when these intense contractions began I felt like my hips were breaking. As soon as I got through the first contraction I got up and went to the window with the "chux" pad between my legs to manage this series of contractions. I had a few moments of dripping some blood, but again it was not a lot or was it bright red or alarming to me. And it stopped after these few intense contractions. As I stood at the window the midwife checked the baby's heartbeat through a couple of contractions. After that she walked into the sitting room area for a brief moment. As she walked back in she announced that she thought it was time to make a hospital transfer. Honestly, I was shocked. She said that the last two times she had checked the baby's heartbeat it had been high and this last time it was 174. I knew from my own research that the safe range for the baby's heartrate was 120-160. She said I was dilated to a 3, so that was progress (in my view), but the baby's head had "capping" or swelling from pushing up against the cervix. The fact that the heart rate was rising was a sign that the baby was not handling the contractions well and there was too much pressure on her head causing the "capping". She also said my heartrate was rising, but I must say that I don't see how it could not during contractions.... especially, during these intense ones set on by the cervical check. I also think the bleeding scared her a bit. But the thing was is that she was making the judgement call that we should transfer and ultimately if we had not help and she was leaving then, my options were gone unless I was willing to go with an usassisted birth. I was not willing to do that. I stalled a moment.... not purposely. I neededo process it a moment and I said that a couple of times. I also needed to clear my head between contractions (remember they are consistently every 3 minutes at this point and had been for several hours), so I could decide what in the room needed to go with us to the hospital. This is were it all changed for me. This is where I had to let go of what I wanted and succumb to what had to be. It was not my choice, yet it was for the safety of the baby and myself and it was clear my husband could not do this without a midwife to guide him.... nor could I. I needed someone to coach me through.
I changed and we quickly gathered a few things that we knew we needed and left out for the hospital. We got to the elevator at the same time as a couple with a toddler. There was no option, but to get on. And you have to remember that we are at hotel trying to conceal that I am in labor. Somehow I managed to not have a contraction in that elevator and made it through the front lobby and out into the lobby and onto our shuttle bus without it being obvious I was in labor. As soon as I stepped foot on that bus... that very bumpy bus... my contractions came back in full force. Transport time to the hospital was under five minutes, but it seemed longer through contractions. During this drive I begged Cody to please not let them torture me once we got to the hospital, although I new it was inevitable. I had done this part before when I went into labor with Caden two days before his scheduled c-section. We parked the bus and I walked into the emergency room with Cody and the midwife who had followed us in her car.
We registered at the desk and they quickly put a hospital band on my arm and within minutes I was headed up to labor and delivery. They brought me a wheelchair and I asked if I could just walk. Of course not... and that is where the torture began. They don't mean to torture you. It is just that in following "their rules and protocol" that is what it ends up being. I could have walked and managed those contractions while standing, but they "required" me to ride in a wheelchair.
And that is where I am going to have to end for now. Sorry, but it is one week and three days after this birth and recovery had been difficult. Just last night I was throwing up and feeling very ill, again. I am supposed to be sleeping right now while my husband is gone with the kids to homeschool co-op. So, I am going to cuddle my tiny one and snooze and I will continue the rest of the story as soon as possible.
To be continued.....
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Sienna's Birth
I so want to get this written and posted, but I have been sooooo tired. It is with pure joy that I share this story about Sienna's birth. I have said all along that this journey for her birth is not about me simply "getting what I want", but about making the best decisions in the situation when the time comes. I wanted this birth to be a successful VBAC and I do count it as a success; however, it did not end the way it was planned. The success was in the trying and in the wisdom to make the right call at the right time for God's glory. This pregnancy, this baby, this birth were all gift's from God. This journey has been a difficult, trying, lonely time in my life in many ways, but it has been a journey of growth. I am thankful for it all! And on with the birth story...
I admit I was very nervous in the weeks leading to my approaching due date. All those things about birth start to go through your mind. There are so many uncertainties. You never know when it will happen, where you will be, how long you will have, how you will truly want it to happen, what will soothe you, what will annoy you, what will hurt, what will help, etc... And then, there of the thoughts of this enormous thing passing out of your body and what that will be like. Oh, don't we all pray that we will be that woman that does not feel the pain of labor? LOL! On the other hand there is a part of you that looks forward to drawing closer to God through it all and depending completely on Him. As the birth approached I wondered when it would be. The unpredictable goes against the grain of our nature. We are generation that can schedule just about anything. Ahhhh.... and the list of modern due dates adds more to the speculation. According to doctors they go by the LMP date, which made the EDD (estimated due date) March 11th. This due date did not reflect the reality of my six week cycle and my known date of ovulation and known dates of conception that could be pinpointed to two possible days. I choose to mostly ignore this date from the beginning. Using my "known information" I came up with and went by (as well as the midwives involved) March 16th as my EDD. With more thought I also acknowledged that the EDD really could be the 14th or the 16th depending upon which date of conception was the actual. I looked at my past birth history, but since they were all c-sections that gives little to judge by. My one spontaneous labor was with Caden and I went into labor two days before his EDD. For the most part I was hanging on to the 16th as the day. As it all got closer I starting realizing we were going to have a busy day on the 14th and I just hoped we would make it through those tasks. Three of the kids had dental appointments that morning about an hour away from home. I had a Fetal Monitoring appointment after lunchtime, but not wanting to keep it due to dragging all the kids to it. And one of our dogs had an appointment to begin heartworm treatment at 4:30 that afternoon, but fortunately Cody was taking the dog to that appointment. Yep, the closer it got the funnier it got to think that the 14th would probably be the day I would start labor. It became quite the joke at our house! And in essence even if the 16th was my EDD it would follow the rule of going into labor two days early... as if all things are predictable, right? LOL!
So, the morning of Monday the 14th we got the kids up and got them ready for the days adventure to the dentist. My husband was to go back to work on this day following his Spring Break. Our little homeschooling schedule was to resume until the baby decided to come. I had mixed feelings about it all. What was the point of getting back into our homeschooling schedule and do school for say three days and then, I go into labor and we have to repeat the week later anyway?... Hmmm... what to do? I was wondering if we should just take a break until after the baby was born. On the other hand it could be a week or more before I went into labor and we would be more behind in schooling. So, anyway we went to the dental appointment an hour away in the rain (that is another story, but it always rains on the day we make a dental trip). I cancelled my fetal monitoring appointment because I was feeling plenty of movement and have my own fetal heart monitor (professional). The plan was to go home and get busy schooling, but I had the incredible feeling that I should go home and rest. I picked up lunch to go and feed the kids on the way home and when we got home I did something I NEVER do. I locked the doors and put a movie on for the kids to watch and I lay down on the couch to try to sleep. I dozed off and got some rest! Woo hoo! Until Sahara awoke me by poking her finger in my nose. ;) Oh the joys of the motherhood! I continued to lay there and rest some until Cody got home. When he arrived it was decided that he would take the two oldest girls with him to the vets office to get the dog's treatment shot. They left and shortly after that I felt a slight crampiness in my pelvis. It was like a gas pain, but really low in my pelvis and I thought very little of it. I did go to the restroom because I ALWAYS need to pee. The only thing is that once I peed and stopped I was about to get up and I peed again... or so I thought for a brief second. One thing that is important to note is that peeing is a voluntary action. You control it (mostly) and you stop it and start it. It is not something that just happens on it's own usually. I began to pee involuntarily... well, not pee... obviously, my water had broke. I knew I had to act quick, so I ran to the other bathroom for a pad and quickly put it in place. very quickly it was filled and I had to have another plan. I layered in three pads with the thinking that as one soaked I would simply remove it and I would still have more underneath. Within minutes I had gone through all of them and was trying to come up with another plan. I had "chux" pads that I had purchased for the birth, but my thinking was that those were for saving the sheets on the bed from getting wet, so I did not want to use those up. I had plenty of pads, but they were just not going to cut it for the big soaks. And this is where it gets kind of funnny. I ran to the baby changing table and grabbed some leftover size 5 diapers that my son outgrew and decided they would make a better "pad" because of how wide they are in the crotch area. This is also the moment that I realized why some midwives have Depends underpants on the birth supply list. They would have been perfect for this moment. I highly recommend them!
I am guessing the time to be about 4:45 PM when my water actually broke. Cody and the two girls arrived back from the vet and Sierra came in first. I said to her, "Go outside and get your Daddy and tell him my water broke."
She looked around puzzled toward the main bathroom and said, "The water's not broke on this end of the house."
I said, "That's not what I mean. Just go tell your Daddy and he will know what I am talking about." So funny!!!
Cody came in shocked and ready to get moving. I had to reassure him we had a few things to pack up and we had time. Contractions had not begun. Well, technically contractions are what was pushing the amniotic fluid out, but I could not feel those contractions and there was not pain involved. I made a few phone calls to let people know that "something" was starting to happen. I called a couple of ladies that would likely keep the kids, another friend that was anxious to know, and the midwife. It turns out the midwife was in my area and would be having dinner with a client that evening, so she would be staying in the area pretty late. She would be easy to reach and close by. We finished getting things together and packed up. Within about and hour and a half my contractions were started to come on... and strong. They were about ten minutes apart. By about 8:00 PM the contractions were coming about 3 minutes apart and we made the decision to get to our hotel and settle in. As we headed out the door I began to throw up beside our sidewalk. That was when I knew it was about to get intense and it did. The ride to the hotel was bumpy and uncomfortable. When we got to our first choice hotel it was all booked up except for a few room options we did not want. That meant we had to change the plan. We went with our original first choice after stopping in the parking lot of a few minutes to get through some rougher contractions. Cody drove the short drive to the other location and at one point due to the bumpy roads I had him pull over to give me a break and I got out and walked around and got a breath of fresh air. Cody was getting very nervous, so I got back in and we headed to the hotel. He went in and got a room reserved and came back for me. After he helped me upstairs, he went back for all the birthing supplies, luggage, etc.. It was about 9:00 PM at this time and he called the midwife and she decided to head on over.
I admit I was very nervous in the weeks leading to my approaching due date. All those things about birth start to go through your mind. There are so many uncertainties. You never know when it will happen, where you will be, how long you will have, how you will truly want it to happen, what will soothe you, what will annoy you, what will hurt, what will help, etc... And then, there of the thoughts of this enormous thing passing out of your body and what that will be like. Oh, don't we all pray that we will be that woman that does not feel the pain of labor? LOL! On the other hand there is a part of you that looks forward to drawing closer to God through it all and depending completely on Him. As the birth approached I wondered when it would be. The unpredictable goes against the grain of our nature. We are generation that can schedule just about anything. Ahhhh.... and the list of modern due dates adds more to the speculation. According to doctors they go by the LMP date, which made the EDD (estimated due date) March 11th. This due date did not reflect the reality of my six week cycle and my known date of ovulation and known dates of conception that could be pinpointed to two possible days. I choose to mostly ignore this date from the beginning. Using my "known information" I came up with and went by (as well as the midwives involved) March 16th as my EDD. With more thought I also acknowledged that the EDD really could be the 14th or the 16th depending upon which date of conception was the actual. I looked at my past birth history, but since they were all c-sections that gives little to judge by. My one spontaneous labor was with Caden and I went into labor two days before his EDD. For the most part I was hanging on to the 16th as the day. As it all got closer I starting realizing we were going to have a busy day on the 14th and I just hoped we would make it through those tasks. Three of the kids had dental appointments that morning about an hour away from home. I had a Fetal Monitoring appointment after lunchtime, but not wanting to keep it due to dragging all the kids to it. And one of our dogs had an appointment to begin heartworm treatment at 4:30 that afternoon, but fortunately Cody was taking the dog to that appointment. Yep, the closer it got the funnier it got to think that the 14th would probably be the day I would start labor. It became quite the joke at our house! And in essence even if the 16th was my EDD it would follow the rule of going into labor two days early... as if all things are predictable, right? LOL!
So, the morning of Monday the 14th we got the kids up and got them ready for the days adventure to the dentist. My husband was to go back to work on this day following his Spring Break. Our little homeschooling schedule was to resume until the baby decided to come. I had mixed feelings about it all. What was the point of getting back into our homeschooling schedule and do school for say three days and then, I go into labor and we have to repeat the week later anyway?... Hmmm... what to do? I was wondering if we should just take a break until after the baby was born. On the other hand it could be a week or more before I went into labor and we would be more behind in schooling. So, anyway we went to the dental appointment an hour away in the rain (that is another story, but it always rains on the day we make a dental trip). I cancelled my fetal monitoring appointment because I was feeling plenty of movement and have my own fetal heart monitor (professional). The plan was to go home and get busy schooling, but I had the incredible feeling that I should go home and rest. I picked up lunch to go and feed the kids on the way home and when we got home I did something I NEVER do. I locked the doors and put a movie on for the kids to watch and I lay down on the couch to try to sleep. I dozed off and got some rest! Woo hoo! Until Sahara awoke me by poking her finger in my nose. ;) Oh the joys of the motherhood! I continued to lay there and rest some until Cody got home. When he arrived it was decided that he would take the two oldest girls with him to the vets office to get the dog's treatment shot. They left and shortly after that I felt a slight crampiness in my pelvis. It was like a gas pain, but really low in my pelvis and I thought very little of it. I did go to the restroom because I ALWAYS need to pee. The only thing is that once I peed and stopped I was about to get up and I peed again... or so I thought for a brief second. One thing that is important to note is that peeing is a voluntary action. You control it (mostly) and you stop it and start it. It is not something that just happens on it's own usually. I began to pee involuntarily... well, not pee... obviously, my water had broke. I knew I had to act quick, so I ran to the other bathroom for a pad and quickly put it in place. very quickly it was filled and I had to have another plan. I layered in three pads with the thinking that as one soaked I would simply remove it and I would still have more underneath. Within minutes I had gone through all of them and was trying to come up with another plan. I had "chux" pads that I had purchased for the birth, but my thinking was that those were for saving the sheets on the bed from getting wet, so I did not want to use those up. I had plenty of pads, but they were just not going to cut it for the big soaks. And this is where it gets kind of funnny. I ran to the baby changing table and grabbed some leftover size 5 diapers that my son outgrew and decided they would make a better "pad" because of how wide they are in the crotch area. This is also the moment that I realized why some midwives have Depends underpants on the birth supply list. They would have been perfect for this moment. I highly recommend them!
I am guessing the time to be about 4:45 PM when my water actually broke. Cody and the two girls arrived back from the vet and Sierra came in first. I said to her, "Go outside and get your Daddy and tell him my water broke."
She looked around puzzled toward the main bathroom and said, "The water's not broke on this end of the house."
I said, "That's not what I mean. Just go tell your Daddy and he will know what I am talking about." So funny!!!
Cody came in shocked and ready to get moving. I had to reassure him we had a few things to pack up and we had time. Contractions had not begun. Well, technically contractions are what was pushing the amniotic fluid out, but I could not feel those contractions and there was not pain involved. I made a few phone calls to let people know that "something" was starting to happen. I called a couple of ladies that would likely keep the kids, another friend that was anxious to know, and the midwife. It turns out the midwife was in my area and would be having dinner with a client that evening, so she would be staying in the area pretty late. She would be easy to reach and close by. We finished getting things together and packed up. Within about and hour and a half my contractions were started to come on... and strong. They were about ten minutes apart. By about 8:00 PM the contractions were coming about 3 minutes apart and we made the decision to get to our hotel and settle in. As we headed out the door I began to throw up beside our sidewalk. That was when I knew it was about to get intense and it did. The ride to the hotel was bumpy and uncomfortable. When we got to our first choice hotel it was all booked up except for a few room options we did not want. That meant we had to change the plan. We went with our original first choice after stopping in the parking lot of a few minutes to get through some rougher contractions. Cody drove the short drive to the other location and at one point due to the bumpy roads I had him pull over to give me a break and I got out and walked around and got a breath of fresh air. Cody was getting very nervous, so I got back in and we headed to the hotel. He went in and got a room reserved and came back for me. After he helped me upstairs, he went back for all the birthing supplies, luggage, etc.. It was about 9:00 PM at this time and he called the midwife and she decided to head on over.
To be continued....
Sorry to leave you hanging, but I figure if I post this much then I will get extra motivated to tell you the rest of the story. If I don't start somewhere it might be another week before I get this posted.
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