When I experienced my second pregnancy loss my faith was shaken for the first time. I caught myself thinking, "Why?". Many times in the past I had heard others asking, "Why?" when faced with a tragedy, but I simply thought we just can't ask that question. My thoughts were that you just have to accept it and know that God has a greater plan. I still think that... only now I have been to that dark place where I have asked, "Why?" and I have come through it. I have to admit though that sometimes I ponder (secretly, of course) if what I believe in is a fairy tale. Don't let me lose you here.... I know better! I KNOW better! And I certainly don't think it is a fairy tale. What I am going to share here may be too much for some of you. In response to my faith being shaken God has given me real life hard evidence that He is indeed real and certainly not a fairy tale. He gave me this evidence long before I reached that dark point in my life. I think that was intentional because I think he wanted me to reach back and search my heart and remember His evidence.
Let me shift gears for a moment. I believe that as parents it is important to recognize our children's spiritual gifts and as time goes by help them understand those gifts and embrace them. I am not certain what Sahara or Caden's gifts will be. I suspect one of Caden's will be musical. I don't presume to think that I will know all their spiritual gifts, either. I believe they may have a gift that I never know about, but I can already tell that Sierra has the gift of Service among other gifts. She just loves to do things to help. We call her our "go to girl" because she is the one you "go to" when you want to "get it done". She is so eager. Savannah has many gifts, but the ones I am going to talk about tonight or usually kind of kept "hush-hush". They're rare and "different" by the worlds standards. They are going to take some careful training, otherwise I think it will be possible for her to stifle them. I believe Savannah has the gift of prophecy and discernment. __gasp__ It's okay... I know it sounds strange. I don't mean prophecy like she is going to predict major events in the world, but this child has spoken some things that mindblowing for me. I'll go into that more in a bit. I have always seen in her that ability to discern good and evil. She has always been drawn to people that are good and never wanted to be around those that are not good. I think that it is remarkable for her to have that gift even as a toddler. She is the kid that got the Good Cititzenship Award all three years that she was in public school (Pre-K, K, 1st).
Anyway, back to the prophecy topic and how God has given me real life hard evidence to remind me that this is all not just some fairy tale. I think God gives Savannah knowledge of certain things. I don't think he gives her a knowledge of all things. I have a couple of relatives like this that know when someone is going to die; however, they do not know who.... only that is someone they are close to and usually happens a few days after they start to "feel it". They also "sense" pregnancies. Weird huh?! It's okay... I know this is too weird for some people, but that is the way the world has taught us to be... weirded out by it. It is in the Bible, though. If it is in there then I believe in it... all of it. Even the things I do not understand. Savannah's gift seems to be related to pregnancy, also. She has told me that I am pregant everytime I have been... BEFORE I EVEN KNEW! And she has told be both times that I have lost our other babies!! You think I am crazy? Maybe so, but as sure as I am sitting here she has. And the strange thing for me is that I am pretty sure that she does not even know she does it. She just makes a statement and then, it is as if she does not even realize she has said it sometimes. As if it is being spoken "through" her. With my second pregnancy loss we went on a family vacation. I fell on a large rock on my back and blacked out a few times. I never had bleeding or anything to indicate a problem and we were completely away from civilization, so we thought I was fine. That night in our tent we were preparing to go to sleep and as we were sitting there Savannah said, "Momma, the baby's not there anymore." She had a blank look on her face, but with a slight smile (a naive, innocent smile). I said, "What did you say?" She said, "The baby's not there anymore." I said, "Savannah, don't say that!" She suddenly looked me in the face and with the blank look gone said, "What? What did I say?" I said, "Oh nothing." I forgot about it really, although I thought it was strange. Later when I found out the baby had died I remembered. With my first pregnancy loss she simply look at me on day and said, "The baby in your belly is gone." All very odd, but I know that God gave these gifts to her! He would not want them to be stifled. He will want her to use them. It will be my job to help her understand how to use these gifts as she grows up. I can't be ashamed or let her be ashamed of of such a precious gift. We have to claim it as a gift from God and use it as such.
Uh-hem... she has also told me that others that she is close to are going to have another baby and guess what? Yep, they find out they are pregnant! She also seems to have a way of getting what she prays for regarding babies, too. She has prayed that I would get pregnant many times and well, let's just say five out of five ain't bad! 80) I did tell her to stop it when she was praying for twins immediately after Sahara's birth!! For me this is all hard evidence that God is definitely not a fairy tale!