We have had some odd weather, so I am sitting outside enjoying a very sunny, breezy day. No, I am not sweating even though I am in Sooutheast Texas. Sienna is laying on me taking a nap cuddled close to my chest. Cody just rocked Sahara to sleep after she pleaded (and won) her binky. The older three kids are playing in the backyard in the new above ground pool (half filled) we bought and playing on their playground with their new (and only) neighbor child. And I want to freeze time..... So, I sit here with my thoughts.....
Life really is a matter of perspective and perspective is constantly changing. Right now everything is great. In an hour I could be fully stressed. We have to focus on focusing on the "great". Yes, "focus on focusing". I love that it is Sunday and I am doing what I should be doing.... not working... resting.... somewhat resting. Of course, there is always work to be done and some will get done, but my focus right now is resting.... rocking my precious baby... watching my precious children... enjoying the breeze.
My mind goes quickly to the goals I want to reach... the list I ponder making, yet stop myself from. It is a time to enjoy and not quickly lose by getting wrapped up in thoughts of "doing".
I ponder this adorable bundle in my arms and wonder how God could possibly see me as fit to rear her. As she lies in my arms dreaming and grinning I am truly overwhelmed with her perfect love.... or rather God's perfect love through her to share with me. This week I am fully aware that she is not truly mine, but merely on loan to me from her Creator. I am honored to be the only one that was chosen for this duty. I pray that God will allow me to share her for many, many years to come. I want to grow old rocking HER babies one day.
And my thoughts wander back to a couple of weeks ago... We really have very little "control". Danger is all around us and we can't save our children from it all. Specifically, Caden shattered a glass top end table, but only suffered a couple of minor cuts. From where I was sitting I could only see him fall, see glass flying, and hear the crash followed by Caden screaming. I truly lost it. I thought my baby boy was severely hurt. I screamed something like, "My baby, my baby...." as I scrambled with Sienna asleep in my arms to get to him. After an hour or so we had all calmed down and gotten the cuts doctored and the glass cleaned away. But that moment confirmed what I have always known. We can't truly protect them. And they are merely on loan to us. So, I want to freeze time. I want to watch them fly down the slide... splash in the water... chase their siblings and their only neighbor child around the yard.... grin mischieviously.... and all the things they do. Oh yeah, and cuddle this sleeping baby... listen to her squeak, sigh, coo.... watch her wiggle and grin.... feel her breathe... and breathe her in.
It amazes me how love increases. I find that holding and loving Sienna reminds me of loving all my others. Amazingly, my love for her increases my love for each of them. She reminds me to love them more.