My last couple of posts have been about possibly switching curriculum for our homeschool. The first week I jumped in to our current stuff and had a good couple of days. Then, I suddenly got the feeling that I am still just not doing it right. So, as bad as I hate to admit it I started stressing about it and not enjoying it. That makes it miserable for everyone involved and that is so not what it should be like. Last weekend I was having a meltdown and feeling way beyond overwhelmed with it all.... and defeated. God showed me so clearly last Sunday that I really have it all. I have to realize that. I had already decided to calm down and go with the flow Sunday morning even though we were running later than late for church. God put me late for His purposes. You see I live just two blocks from the main funeral home in our town. Last Sunday morning the cars were lined down the roads as far as you could see and I knew in an instant that something terrible had happened and that something terrible probably involved the death of someone young. I walked into my Sunday School class late, but just is time for God to show me that almost everyone in that room was having "one of those weeks", too. The ladies in that class also confirmed my suspicions that the funeral gathering was that of a teen.... two teens, in fact with another lying in the ICU. Teen death hits me very hard.... as a teen I had the experience of seeing several young classmates die in senseless accidents. Two of my teenage cousins died in one year and even a few years back one of my younger teen cousins died. There's nothing quite like remembering helping prepare your deceased sixteen year old cousin's body for viewing to help you put your current life issues into perspective. Everything in the Sunday School lesson hit right on what I needed to hear and it was clear to me that God had put me there to hear it. As I walked the halls to go to the worship service I observed two young friends that were engaged in conversation in a very special way. I had seen these girls many times before, but the facts just did not click for me.... you see, the older one was attempting communicated via sign language with her deaf friend. It was a beautiful display of friendship and it was quite moving to see them totally immersed in conversation and giggles. After the worship service began my eyes kept being drawn to these girls for some reason. I was in awe of them when suddenly the facts all started clicking for me. The younger girl was in my husband's class last year and required special classroom modifications that we discussed at home many times. The older girl had also been one of his students and we had even seen her in a play before. These two girls were more than friends. They were sisters. And I suddenly realized that their mother is the precious woman that teaches Caden's little class of two year olds. I knew their story and their trials! I just did not know it was them. All of them... and I was moved to tears by these two girls and their relationship. God's ways are not our ways and I know they would not chosen for one of them to be deaf, but it was clear to me the precious gift they had been given through their trial. Such a closeness is what we should all strive for for our children. The worship also was filled with a message that seem to be just for me.
With that I started my week with a different attitude.... one of searching for answers... one with walks, instead of school... actually, one with very little school. As we walked I would say under my breath, "It is better for them to feel loved than to be smart." Seriously, I said it a few times softly to remind myself and keep my focus. Overall, it was a much better week, but I know I have got to make some serious decisions this weekend. Sierra is eager to do her school, but she does need to actually learn something instead of boring her with busy work. I am in a much better state of mind to make the decisions I need to make. These difficult times are never easy, but I know that it is in the times when we get desperate and defeated feeling that we truly are able to grow and rise to the challenge. So, here I go... digging deep.... I'll let you all know how my holiday weekend goes and the decisions we make!!!