I wish I had known what I know now about babies... what a blessing they are, I mean. My mother always devoted herself to her two kids, but never ceased to tell us how awful it was to be a mother. I did not have my first until I was 28! I was soooo amazed at how great it was and was filled with regret for choosing to prevent such a blessing for TEN years. The first moments I held Savannah (9) I said, "I could do this four or five times!" I think I shocked even myself when I said that and little did I know then that I would actually do that very thing and do it because I WANTED to. What an amazing way God can change us. Even after that I still used to say I wish I could have started having my babies in my mid-twenties.... even that has changed in the last year. Now I wish I had started ASAP and done it God's way! I think of the "blessings" I have robbed myself of... and the on-the-job-training that I could have gotten at a younger more naive, energetic age. And, by the way, I still think of myself as young... and secretly nineteen (37), but oh how my body has started telling a different story in the last three years.... eeeeekkkk !! I won't go into all that, but I will tell you it is real and not in my head and it is a great source of frustration to me. If you know anything about me you have to know I think I can do it all.... with a few exceptions. ;) So, I don't admit defeat lightly and it makes me down-right grumpy to fail at anything. I am one of those people that thinks pregnancy is fabulous and I love to be pregnant... except, it's gotten rougher by the sixth one crammed into an eight year time frame (remember I have had two losses).... Even though it is harder now I still ponder more... they are so stinkin' sweet! I love this saying:
"The first time I held my baby I understood why people
feel the need to keep having them."
I certainly changed the instant I had my firstborn and I am not saying I am ready for another, but I don't think I would ever be upset if another little blessing was sent our way.